The thought that lingers. It sits hovering behind the day to day conversations. It's with you in the dentist's chair and bobs along in the back of your mind as you walk along the beach. It's been with me since I arrived back in Australia. I've asked myself often in the past few weeks about the life I've chosen. Even before heading overseas, a life with G. I've watched my family as we've sat at parks and dinner tables and replayed conversations in my head. "When are you coming home?" Or worse "Why aren't you coming home?"
I've considered the sliding door moments of those around me, the precise second when someone's life took a turn, a partner was chosen, a career choice made. The moment when you've driven so far down a road that you can no longer turn back.
G has a lot of cousins, mostly based in the country. The life they chose is one that I often unrealistically covet. I wouldn't last more than a week on a cattle property but the romantic dream in my head has me riding horses, baking prize winning cakes, fixing fences and fixing anything mechanical. I hang on their every word when it comes to riding boots, mustering, and cattle shows. With their life comes an attitude: get on with it, laugh it off, help each other out. The little travellers have cousins who know and understand a different type of isolation; home schooling is not a choice it's a reality, boarding school a necessity, children make a ten minute drive each morning to then hop on a school bus.
"Qatar doesn't show up on our globe at home, Alexandra tells people her cousins live on the top of the world."
I have no doubt that G and I are two of the luckiest people in the world. We've had parents who cared, clean sheets and warm meals. We've been given an education which has provided choices.
With a bit of luck, we chose this life.
And so the lingering thought continues. Why don't you want to come home? Why have we been saying "just a few more years" for the past ten years?
Maybe it's because Alexandra is right. At this precise moment, we're on top of the world. It possibly won't last, and they'll continue to be days we question our choices, but at this point - we're on top of the world.
Those days of feeling like you're 'on top of the world' are worth preserving 'cos no matter where you are, they're the best!
ReplyDeleteExactly. I think it's really important to just appreciate how good life can be... particularly when others aren't so lucky.
ReplyDeleteWe can all spend hours wonderful how our lives would have turned out if we'd made different choices. But aren't we fortunate to have those choices - we can roam the world, or we can stay home and live on cattle stations (or in cities). I've visited - and I know you and many or your followers have - countries where people have no choice but to follow the path drawn for them when they're born - poverty or government dictates make their decisions for them. I count myself doubly fortunate - to have seen so much of the world, and to have the opportunity to do so.
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! We chose this life too. One of our major factors is traveling. We never would have these opportunities if we lived in the US. In 2 hours, we can hop on a plane and be Paris, Istanbul, Prague, Budapest, etc. That's what keeps us going. :-) There's so much out in this world to see.
ReplyDeleteIt is always good to be happy where you are, when you are! That "grass is always greener" stuff is BS, as my cattleman father used to say.
ReplyDeleteHaving just returned from Home Leave myself, I can identify. We're probably a little unique in that we both grew up moving from country to country, then settled down in the US and stayed there for the first 18 years of our marriage (although we moved all around the US.) Moving back overseas was a very conscious decision that we made specifically because we wanted our boys to be able to experience a little of what we had done growing up. Maybe because we had such a long stretch back home (granted, in very diverse settings from East Coast cities to the desert of Arizona) we have savored - and continue to savor - every moment, always aware that things could change any time.
ReplyDeleteWe get asked that question all the time. On every home leave. "When are you coming home" or "Next time you had better tell me when you are coming back". And to be honest we don't know what life has in store for us. We are making the most of our adventure here in America but a piece of our hearts were left behind in England.
ReplyDeletePeople used to ask me when i was moving back all the time. At the time the answer was always: never. However here i am back home and enjoying life more than i thought I could. Funny how things work out. Enjoy yourselves and don't worry about where you are going to be in x number of years. The future is unpredictable.
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