In the lead up to leaving Doha, there were many times I told friends I wanted to wake up tomorrow and discover it was December 13th. I just wanted to skip all the hard bits. I didn't want to leave the children. I didn't want to go to hospital. I didn't want the catheters or the recovery process. I couldn't imagine going through any of it without G.
I wonder now what I must have looked like when I was transiting through Kuala Lumpur. I was just so sad. So, so sad. I cried in the Royal Selangor shop over a set of salad servers. Except it wasn't really the salad servers, it was what they represented. It had been ten years since we'd lived in KL, we'd bought the most beautiful pewter salad servers when we left as a memento. They'd gone with us to Libya and then onto Canada and the US. They now sit a drawer in our kitchen in Doha. I thought about all the different bowls, the different food, the different friends.
I wasted so much our year in Kuala Lumpur. We knew it wasn't a long term posting. We'd been told to just "sit tight" until they told G where the next gig was. The entire year was punctuated by G coming home from work and me asking "have you heard anything yet?"
I forgot to stop thinking about what was next, and instead, just think about what was now.
There are so many beautiful memories of that time. Watching the monkeys swinging in the trees in the mini jungle across from our house. The first traveller's second birthday. The birth of the second little traveller. We had some great friends, life was busy, but I just couldn't get my head away from "have you heard anything yet?" I was in a rush to see what the next big thing would be.
I don't want to waste the next month while I wait for G and the children to arrive. I don't want to lose any more days. The little travellers and I have enjoyed some of the best chats on Skype over the past few weeks, and I have learnt so much about how we work as a family by stepping back and watching from a distance.
It's time to really get writing, I am determined that when I pick up the little travellers from the airport, I will have something to show for it. Fifty thousand words closer to the end of the book.
The big thing? The big thing is happening right now.