I'd done so well until earlier this week. I'd kept my tears to myself, reserved for showers and solo car rides, I was so close, days before departure.
You need a good friend to really make you fall apart.
You can fake it with strangers, you can avert your eyes, make excuses and end things quickly, but when you're sitting with people who give you the look, the look that says "C'mon, seriously? You expect us to believe this shit?" Then you know you're in trouble.
It was a quick coffee, there was work to be done, the usual texts had bounced between the usual friends. There was talk about Oktoberbfest, carparks and teenagers when I mentioned that I thought the fourth little traveller may lose a tooth soon. He's yet to loose one. I tried to make light of it happening while I was away but I couldn't, what started as a quiver rapidly moved into the ugly cry and that was it. The facade was over.
There was the awkwardness that comes with an initial shit is she crying. Which then turned into a murmuring of "oh no's" and some hand patting "it's okay, it'll be okay." And just when I thought I wasn't going to be able to pull myself together, I was saved, by a true friend.
"That's it, we'll just have to pull his tooth out before you leave"
I'm not sure what made it funnier? The situation, or the fact that many a mother has contemplated pushing something along incase she "missed it".
I have been blessed with amazing friends in each location, there are names that I hear wherever I am in the world that take me back to another time but Doha has completely outdone itself.
There is more to be written, but right now I'm sitting in a transit lounge of an airport with a boarding signal flashing.
A very good friend, lets call her the tooth puller, said to me this week "Sometimes I catch you looking at me laughing and smiling and I think what's she thinking?"
What I'm thinking, my gorgeous Lisa, is how did I get so bloody lucky to find friends like you.
Thank you to all, both online and off for your comments, thoughts, and help. I pulled myself together this morning and got on a plane when I really didn't want to.
I couldn't have done it without you.