In order for a four hour road trip to be successful when traveling with children, I stick with one rule. It's a rule I learnt from my Father, perhaps you could call it a family tradition. It is this:
If you are under the age of 21, all rights are surrendered upon entering the vehicle.
You will travel much like a hostage, your gag may be invisible but trust me, it's there. Your vote is null and void. Don't bother suggesting a radio station, a toilet break or a possible chance of hot chips. Do not ask questions, do not ask about the music. All suggestions are futile.
For me, a road trip means a chance to turn up the radio, maybe listen to a bit of Richard Fidler, grab a take-away latte and enjoy watching the The Little Travellers tortured faces in the rear vision mirror. If I want to crank up the pain factor I only have to find a classic rock station and belt out a few favourites from the 80's, preferably at the traffic lights with the window down.
Although, my favourite part of the journey is listening to the conversations coming from the back of the car. Someone will inevitably try to pick a fight to liven up the trip. "Stop looking out of my window" is a personal favourite of our youngest little traveler. This, of course, will ensure the other three travellers will find exciting objects only visible through his window for the next two hours.
The second little traveller will torture the third with the fact that she still has her electronic game while he has lost his. She will not share. With a perfect exhibition of I'm willing to make myself look like a complete idiot to get up your nose, he will tell her "I'm wearing your underwear". She will ignore him until he backs it up with "I just farted in it". She will raise her eyes only long enough to give him the death stare. He will then be forced to go for the jugular. His best shot. "And I used your toothbrush....while I was farting in your underwear".
I know I should find these comments frustrating and juvenile, but I actually really enjoy them. Perhaps because they take me back to my own childhood, of drawing a line in the middle of the back seat that was never to be crossed....and then crossing it. Guessing the colour of the next car to drive past, the number of licence plate, the next piece of road kill. Pretending to see a streaker running on the side of the road (that was my personal favourite).
I agree that sometimes when the noise level escalates and the "Mum he's touching me" is on high rotation, a road trip can be about as much fun as a pap smear, actually a pap smear is far more relaxing. However, when it comes to family memories, those trips to Granny's house will always be about more than just the milkshakes.
Just remember the rules.
Do you have any memorable road trip stories? Or your own set of rules?
Oh, the "Don't look out my window!!!" Man drives me insane. I generally scream at some point that every one "has to stop speaking for the next five minutes." Which lasts roughly 1 minute. I don't think I full appreciated the early days when they would just sleep their way through a good road trip.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff. x
I love this rule.
ReplyDeleteIf was certainly the rule we had as children but I had forgotten.
Our Granny is also a few hours away so next trip I am bring back the control...and no one is to look out my window either.
Love this post!! My husband lives in Brisbane & we live in Canberra, don't ask, it's 1300km between with 4 children who mercifully travel well. It's my music (now they are older & i'm still young enough to like Top 20 music - we're all winners) although i can not hold a tune, sing the correct words or let either bother me!! They have zero rights, agreed!! They can hold on for an amazing length of time to wee, girls are just annoying when they need the toilet (road side style) & i openly tell them i love their brother more & bless his external plumbing!! It's amazing what a beach stop will give you - 40 minutes in surf = 4 hours of silence so long as you demand that they can't say their skin stings from the salt water or they'll never swim at the beach again. Happy travels, love PosiePS we've only ever travelled in a car with 3 rows for 4 children, no one can touch anyone, it's brilliant & i'm the mean mother who has never bought a DVD player or any hand held electronic device, they have to read, craft or talk to each other, we're positively Amish but hey, no batteries!!
ReplyDeletehttp://posiepatchworkblog.blogspot.com/
When I was growing up it was Dad's rules..he drove..he decided where and when we moved. I loved it though, we played word games, sang along to the special mix of tapes that he made and discussed everything we saw and thought without end. My kids grew up the same way..they learned to sit and talk and play word games and sing as well. When my eldest son was very tiny in a car seat still my husband and I were laughing about something in the front and then there was silence and this little tiny person suddenly laughed uproariously out of the blue..he was imitating us..which had us in more fits of laughter!
ReplyDeleteLaughing out loud. I need to inform my children of these rules. We are just starting to get the taunting comments.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of the beach stop!
ReplyDeleteCar travel was so different back then wasn't it?! I remember being car sick while travelling around Tasmania and sitting on my mother's lap in the front seat! I giggled out loud at the story of your son. :-)
ReplyDeleteBern, you always make me feel sane. I am also big on the "everyone has to stop speaking for the next five minutes". Never.Happens.
ReplyDeleteWe did the road trips around Europe. 7 of us in a station wagon. I am shuddering at the memories.
ReplyDeleteI learned how to say "Fuck off Monsieur Le Wasp" at age 4 at a wasp that got into the car on some autoroute in France...
xx
My husband is 5 years older than his sister, which must be the perfect age Gao for sibling torture. My fave road trip quote from their childhood stories is "He's breathing my air!!!"
ReplyDeleteLove the rule. I often tell my kids "this is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship", which is particularly true in the car.
I can hear their voices!! Funny!
ReplyDeleteThe other day when we pulled up at home I realised Miss 4 had been sharing her ice cream with the 1yo. Ice cream all over her face! Loved it x
Ah, that brought back some memories! Ours are now teenagers, which means that, almost immediately upon entering the vehicle, they fall deeply asleep and remain that way for most of the trip. Husband and I amuse ourselves by taking unflattering photos of them with our phones (they both tend to sleep with mouths open) but mostly we enjoy some uninterrupted time to ourselves when all we have to do is talk to each other and listen to our favorite music. Huge improvement on early childhood days when Son #2 was always carsick and Son #1 was phobic about it. Oh, and in our car, it was always, 'He's looking at me!'
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that when children are born, they have implanted in their brains 'Are we there yet?' (regardless of their mother tongue)?!? I can still hear the anguished 'She's touching me, she's touching me!' (I was particularly adept at pointing my finger at my sister and easing the tip to within a minute fraction of an inch of her without actually making contact.) And let's not forget the parental 'Do NOT make me stop this car...'
ReplyDeleteAhh the memories...
This made my day. Thank you! Laughing, laughing, laughing at 'Don't look out my window!'
ReplyDeleteI remember being about 12, with a 9 year old and 6 year old sister, driving to Sydney. Mum stopped and bought some cherry tarts at a roadside stall. We shared one in the back and being equity nazis, agreed to take 2 bites each and then pass it on to the next sister. My younger sister took 3 bites! Gasp! Unheard of! And we have called her '3-biter' ever since. One step up the consequence scale on our car journeys from the 'Don't make me come back there!', was 'OK. One more word and we're leaving you on the side of the road!' Mum and Dad tried it. Once. They put us all out on the side of the then dirt road between Hawker and Rawnsley Station and drove off. We were temporarily taken aback but then quickly came to our senses and hid in the bush. You can imagine the panic on their inevitable return. Funny, but they never tried it again.