The Third Little Traveler is feeling a bit sad and I'm not sure how to fix it.
While I was cooking dinner last night he came to join me. As we peeled potatoes together he asked "why does everyone make fun of the way I speak?"
I didn't have an immediate answer so I stalled by pretending I didn't understand.
"When I talk people copy me, they say I sound American, they laugh and repeat what I'm saying". I knew what he was referring to, I'd been there for a few of the conversations. I'd laughed along with everyone else, including the Third Little Traveler. It appears he's been putting on a brave face.
I don't really understand why, but he's had more of a North American influence than his other siblings. We left Canada over two years ago, but the accent has stayed. Maybe it's habit, maybe it's choice. He's seven, I don't really think about it and I imagine his accent will change again over the years.
Others, mostly our friends from home, appear to have problem with it though.
"You need to do something about his American accent" someone said within hours of us hitting the Tarmac. An old school friend recently said in disgust "Ugh, I couldn't handle it if my child spoke with an American accent". Both times I smiled, reminded them that G was an expat child who initially spoke with an American accent. Both times I reminded them that within six months of being back in Australia it was gone and he was speaking "Queensland" again.
Until last night I hadn't asked myself why I tell that story. Why I'm apologizing for the way my child speaks.
I'm not apologizing any more.
My child is exactly that. My child. I would like for him to not wear his good shoes to the beach. I would like for him to brush his teeth everyday. I would like him to stop fidgeting in circle time at school. And I would really like it if he stopped making experiments that involved rockets, sand and wine corks under his bed.
Most of all though. I would like for him to speak with thought and respect. I want him to speak his mind, speak from his heart and speak with kindness.
We teach our children not to judge others by the colour of their skin. Do we really need to then remind them not to judge on the inflection of their vowels?
Or maybe we should all aim to be as talented as Amy Walker and flip our accents accordingly. Take a look at this, she's bloody good.
Any suggestions or experiences for the Third Little Traveler?
I am struggling with the same thing this summer on the other side of the Pacific. My kids said they are "not of this world" as the American kids are constantly making fun of or at least pointing out how different their accents are and even ask them why can't they talk "normal". They have an American/ Australian mum who speaks with and American accent, an Australian dad with a soft Australian accent and they speak mainly with British accents.
ReplyDeleteWe really focus on them being themselves and not worrying about what others speak - but I am very sensitive for them - as even adults regularly comment on their accents and point out particular turns of phrase they use. I think the kids in many ways would prefer to just "blend in" and not feel different - but I just reiterate how each person is unique and they can love themselves as they are and just let all the comments roll off them. But I also do point out that they are fortunate to be exposed to so many different cultures and accents / and most of the individuals making the comments have not had those same opportunities.
I have no doubt that you found a way to pass onto your little traveller exactly what you have expressed here. To be proud and to celebrate diversity including in the way we speak.
ReplyDeleteMy own travellers are currently experimenting with the way they speak. The bigs seem to me keen to hold onto their Australian identity and I suspect that their accents will not change as dramatically as the smalls. It will be interesting to have a multi-accent family. And I am going to keep your beautiful story in mind in preparation for any adverse comments they might get on return trips home - to remember that even if they seem alright with the gentle ribbing they may in fact be very hurt by it.
And yes, Amy Walker is amazing.
xx
My boy (boy? He's 18 lol) lived in the UK till he was 9 but it is only in the last 3 or 4 years that he has developed a slight American twang. I battled to get him to say 'rubbish' instead of trash but I have given up, I couldn't get him to tidy his room, so I sure as heck won't manage to alter his way of talking. His strange accent is part of him, like his great big belly laughs when something really tickles his funny bone or the way he kisses me on the top of the head when I'm at the pc.
ReplyDeleteHe's a unique individual and after a lot of reflection on this expat life that we have inflicted on him, I wouldn't change him in any way. He is tolerant and loving, kind and sweet natured, perhaps too trusting but I would rather that, than him be too cynical like his mother ;) So I can put up with him saying 'chips' instead of crisps.
Aside from anything else, the girls in the UK, LOVE his accent :)
We arrived in Australia 6 years ago. Within one week of school our eldest had a full-on Aussie accent. It was unnerving to say the least. Within about a month her middle sibling also sounded Aussie born and bred. It was a way of fitting in, of not being noticed.
ReplyDeleteOur youngest is the one who hasn't changed. He was just short of 3 arriving and is now almost 9. Being born in England with an Irish lilting Mum and a Welsh accented dad he had a wide range of choice. The result is a strange can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it accent.
After a couple of years in school his teacher announced he had a speech impediment and recommended Speech Therapy. We paid week after week for a woman to sit with him and teach him the "Correct" way to speak. I struggled to do his practising between sessions as I never quiet knew what "Correct" was supposed to sound like. It caused family tension as certain intonations were criticised as wrong when maybe they were a natural part of my accent or his fathers.
People still regularly fuss about how "Sweet" and "Cute" his voice is. If I'm in a good mood I smile sweetly back and recite the story of his mixed origins. If I'm cranky I mutter something about a speech impediment and they back right off.
In the end it leaves the question.
What is "Right" ?
And who are we to criticise what isn't?
This is interesting..maybe a foreign accent falls in the category of being judged un-Australian...of which I heard somebody comment on the tv as being the worst thing anybody could be called in Australia! Very judgemental! I was teased mercilessly when I first arrived from NZ when I was 18 and very quickly learned to say my ees with an exagerrated eee sound not what sounded to my Kiwi ears like an 'e' and modified several other vowels and words to fit in. Looks like Aussies still have a problem with un Australian accents!
ReplyDeleteHmmm... that's a toughie. You could always let him know that accents change over time so if his accent is all they have to tease him about, he's doing well! One day, they'll have nothing on him! x
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough one. I've been teased in Australia about my dulcet kiwi vowels, and switch on my Aussie accent when I go back. E has been teased here in Houston about her Aussie accent, and just yesterday we had to explain O's mixed Texas/Aussie/Kiwi accent to someone. And we always get the "oh I love your accent" quip.
ReplyDeleteWe do all speak differently (even within the same country) and a polite comment on it I don't mind, but kids will be kids and pick up on the differences as something to tease. It's hard to tell your child what to say to the kids teasing them when you can see how upset it makes them. Even though E is fiercely proud of being Australian (sigh...!) it hard to defend your accent in the playground.
And that Amy woman is incredible, got the kiwi accent perfectly!
I know how you feel. I am from New York, but my children lived in TX most of their lives. My grandmother actually makes fun of the way my daughter says "Nana". Some people are very insensitive. Let's see what people find to pick on when we move to Qatar in a few weeks!
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize there was an accent police out there! The things people feel the need to judge, unbelievable. I loved Amy Walker's video. She's very talented indeed!
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough one Kirsty. It's one of those situations where our wish to change something about a person reveals more about our own insecurities than any problem we think they might have.
ReplyDeleteWe moved to Canada a year ago and my eldest (6) was quick to try to assimilate by copying the way her peers spoke. I pointed out to her that the compliments she received for her "cute Brtish accent" would soon stop if she changed the way she spoke. Although she understood, the wish to blend in was stronger and whenever she gets carried away by excitement with her friends the Canadian accent emerges.
I don't want to make her insecure or self-conscious about it so I try to stop myself from commenting, with varying degrees of success. But I do remember how I felt when I moved to the UK from Ireland and was bullied for my accent. There is no trace of it left today. I guess we do what we need to survive in our environment.
Very interesting post and topic. If you don't mind I would like to add my 2 pence.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in the Caribbean, and many of the islands were controlled by the British, so our island tonge was mixed with a little of the British accent. Enter American cable TV. Many of us kids introduced to this new novelty started acquiring an American accent, and in some way, I think it remains that way today.
I moved to England for school, and naturally picked up a slight British accent. Sometimes it was intimidating to speak because yes I was made fun of.
Years later, we became an expat family who moved to Japan. Our kids went to an American/Japanese school. The girls picked up the accent of their Canadian teacher, and the boy 6 years at the time, picked up the broken English accent-the way the Japanese would speak English.
Almost 3 years in Japan, the kids started learning Japanese and spoke that language with an accent as well.
We live in Qatar now, and plan to put the kids into British school in the fall....I suspect within 6 months they will have slight British accents, or perhaps not. We'll see.
Yes my kids are made fun of, but as we move around they get accustomed to it.
I think we are creatures of habit. If we hear something long enough it will eventually come out through our mouths as we try to adapt to our environment.
I don't think the accents really matter. It will all get adjusted as the kids grow. The content of what comes out of their mouths is my biggest concern.
BTW, very interesting posts :)
Mine get teased occasionally when we go home and they've "lost" their Southern drawl. I just explain it this way:
ReplyDeleteEveryone has different hair color, different skin color, different eyes, and different voices. But we're all still people.
You have some pearler advice and examples here Kirsty.
ReplyDeletePoor wee chap - its easy for us to all say "he'll be right" but he is evidently a bit bloody sick of being noticed for it.
I was teased for having an "Aussie" accent for a few years in England. And was certainly teased for having a "posh" accent when I went to uni.
I adapted quickly and spent my teens and twenties being able to merge my voice into accents. (Not on the same amazing scale that Lisa Walker does though!)
I have no real suggestions. I have a sense his mothers common sense may pull him through.
xx
Ah, this is the story of my childhood! This is hard to explain to LT#3 right now, but when he's older, his accent ( and his 'exotic' upbringing) will - at most - be the object of envy and admiration and - most likely - become very much a non-issue. Until then, I think you're doing absolutely the right thing - reassuring him that accents just don't matter. In the younger years, it's much harder, and I do sympathize! I am the product of a Canadian mother and an American (Boston!) father who spoke mostly Thai (with my amah) until I went to a British school at age 4. My mother tells of me coming home and playing school with my dolls: the 'Teacher' dolls spoke in a Britsh accent, the 'Pupil' dolls spoke in an American/Canadian one, with me switching back and forth. When we moved to the US (I was 10) I very quickly picked up a Virginia drawl, which was noticed and commented on by my New England and Canadian relatives. Ultimately, I became an accent chameleon, very much like Amy Walker - I don't do quite as many accents, but I can do a lot of them! And - bonus - it has been tremendously helpful in my career - I teach German - no one can tell by my accent that I am not a native speaker. We just moved to Korea and - while I am not finding the language easy - I am having no trouble at all making all the 'strange' sounds that many Westerners find so difficult.
ReplyDeleteAw this makes me sad. I was born in the West Indies and came to Australia as a nine year old. Sadly I didn't hang on to my accent very long, but while I did, the other kids loved it. I've never come across the situation where kids are teased for their accent but I feel for your Little Traveller 3 Kristy as being a kid is tough. I was teased a lot as a kid and while my mum always said 'just ignore them and they will stop' it is of course easier said than done :(
ReplyDeleteInteresting post, (and oh my HEART poor third little traveler). I'm following this discussion with interest, as I am sure that we will be in the same boat soon when our girl starts talking (Canadian mother, Swiss Father, serial expats.)
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I have much to contribute in the way of advice / suggestions, only that it seems as though this accent conundrum probably would be magnified in a uni-accent setting. Where there are lots of expats from lots of nationalities, I assume that kids would be more accepting of differences.
It must be hard, though, to see your little love feel like he doesn't fit in.
I worry sometimes about when we migrate to Australia, whether the children will be teased. I suppose I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but it seems kids will be kids wherever you go. I remember when I was younger being quietly impressed with students at my school who had an accent, so I imagine there is also an element of that as well, though I'm sure it's the teasing that sticks.
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting. I have 4 children also, and we are from aSpanish speaker country, but we have been in the USA for 7 years. My 2 older ones (now 15 and 14 years old) can speak both, English and Spanish very well. The 2 younger ones (now 9 and 8) speak English and understand Spanish, but they choose not to speak it. My kids laugh about my "strong" accent, as they say, and I can live with it! We are moving soon to Brazil and the whole family has to learn Portuguese... mmmmm, that is going to be a difference. Now, I think, everybody will have an "accent". eading this post made me think more about it, and pay special attention to the way mis children feel when me move there
ReplyDeleteSimilar issues with my 7 year old DD. Born in Australia to Canadian parents, once she hit school her Aussie accent became more noticable. She gets teased for it when we go back to Canada on vacation though, and it does bother her. But only if the teasing is done harshly. I regularly joke with about the different way she and I pronounce words (can't and caaaan't!) and she joins in. And she knows that when we're in Australia it's MY accent that is treated as funny. Maybe that helps a bit.
ReplyDeleteRecently she's started putting on a British accent. Her class did a song from Oliver last year and that accent is now regularly creeping in. Very funny to hear her!
I feel for your little traveller but I guess telling them he has a Canadian accent rather than an American accent wouldn't change the issue...
ReplyDeleteWe have been in Australia, from Canada, for 18 months now. While my sons are in their early teens, the only thing Australian about the way they speak are the words they have learnt to use rather than the accent. I firmly feel that unless you want to learn a new accent, the one you were educated in during your early years has the greatest influence. The only Australian sounding word my son uses comes from learning a new word in class (estrogen from yr9 science sounds like eeestrogen).
Yes, they get teased in school but in Australia, it's more about their 'name' rather than the accent. Seems everyone here gets a nickname or called by their last name or heritage rather than first names. The process is driving my 12 year old crazy though. He has a nice plain name but the kids are creating rhymes around his last name as a way of addressing him.
I agree with some other comments that your little traveller will attract attention later for his unique accent but it doesn't get him through everyday. Kirsty, whatever you do will be the right thing for your little one. But accents are only one way test in developing resilience in our kids. Good Luck!
Kids do pick up the accents around them. Mine play certain games putting on an American accent and when my son has to say something in English at school, he sounds totally German, even though he's British. I think he just wants to fit in!
ReplyDeleteAmy Walker - brilliant.
Plus I wanted to give you this: http://sarsm.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/stylish-blogger/
The "blend in" comment is so true. When I told him that he was unique he said "I'm seven Mum, when you're seven you don't want to be unique".
ReplyDeleteThank you, your comments were really lovely. I agree, it's a great test in developing resilience, we all get teased as children whether it's about our names, our hair or the time we wet our pants on the slide in Grade 3....ahem, that's a whole other story. I think what was hard was it was more than just a tease but a comment on how TERRIBLE his accent was. I have a sneaking suspicion that if he had a English accent he and I wouldn't be told that we needed to "fix" it.
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude. Good luck with the Portuguese, what an amazing family you have!
ReplyDeleteAmericans were so kind to us (regarding our accents) when we lived in America. I found North Americans were far more likely to say things like "Oh your accent is soooo cute" or "say that again, I love how you say that". Thanks for your comment. I can't wait until you migrate, when our paths cross in Oz I shall have the wine chilled and ready. Kxx
ReplyDeleteIn his school in Qatar there is never a discussion on accents, there are so many different colours, religions and accents that it becomes a complete non issue. Thankfully it's just something we go through when we come home, which is completely natural as I guess his accent stands out on the playground. I have loved the comments on this post, it's just reminded me what a nice place the blogosphere is.
ReplyDeleteYou were born in the West Indies?! How exotic are you?? Thanks for your comment, your Mum was bang on. We've had a good chat about it and I think he's come up with some good answers.
ReplyDeleteThank you xx
ReplyDeleteI passed on that in future the chicks were going to dig his accent and HE LOVED IT!!!! I don't think we've got any chance of shaking it now :-)
ReplyDeleteOur second little traveler went to a speech therapist in Canada and we had exactly the same issue. She was telling her that she needed a much "harder R" as in Carrrrrrr rather than Cahhhh. It was very hard doing the practice at home as I had to change the way I spoke.
ReplyDeleteI loved your comment. Thank you for sharing.
I'm afraid I have taken the mickey out of many of my Kiwi friends and their accents...maybe it's Karma? Having said that, I can't remember ever looking at a child and screwing up my nose in disgust at the way they spoke.
ReplyDeleteThis whole un-Australian thing is fascinating isn't it? I have struggled with so many of the comments I've heard on this trip home. I wonder who is winning the comp of being MOST Australian, not sure I want to meet them.
Wasn't she incredible! I personally LOVE that E is such a proud little Aussie. So cute!
ReplyDeletePlease shoot me an email when you arrive in Qatar, we are back in September. Be prepared for the heat, if you can hang on until November the weather is just sensational. Kx
ReplyDeleteAccent police - love it!
ReplyDeleteI've stopped commenting now as well, my new theory is as long as it's grammatically correct I don't say a thing. Who gives a toss if its trash or rubbish - as long as it makes its way to the bin ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic comment. I agree, lets focus on what's being said rather than how it's said. Good luck with the new school.
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteHaving had the pleasure of hearing your accent all I can say is I'm so glad it hasn't changed. I love it! It's the perfect mix.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing life you've had. I loved the story of the dolls having different accents. I reckon you might be able to give Amy a run for her money by the sounds of things! Kxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah, giggling at your little guys German English. Thanks for the link, it might take me awhile to get to but will give it a try. Kx
ReplyDeleteWe have exactly the same can't/caaaaan't conversation. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteIt's so tough being a kid. But why? Because after all they are just little people trying to fit in to a big scary world. We should be protecting these beautiful days and remember: his just a kid. Cheers
ReplyDeleteMy son has quite a mix too, although he was born in the U.S. we moved to Germany when he was 9 months old. Germany is where he learned to talk. We've since moved back to the States this year and my son is now 4 years old. He has quite a bizarre accent. I am British, so he has a mixture of English (British & American) and German words, along with a British/German sounding accent on the majority of his words, even though his daddy is American. People always comment on it, but thankfully he's still yet too young to really notice.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 children -
ReplyDeleteone who immediately changes his accent to fit in with a new environment, and
one who steadfastly clings to his accent, no matter what. My kids are pretty
much extremes on the scale, but according to Communication Accommodation Theory
(Giles, 1971), what's happening is that one is converging and the other is
diverging. So, here's what Giles said about why - a lot of which seems like
common sense. When you want to fit in and get approval in a social situation,
you're likely to start accommodating and speaking like the people around you
(convergence). But if you don't want to emphasize the social distance or
difference between yourself and others, you're more likely to exaggerate your
own linguistic features (divergence). Of course, there's a tension between the
two. It's often a matter of accommodating to fit in, and not to keep up your identity. This helps explain why
expats find their original accents come out when they talk to people back home.
This also *might* explain a bit of what's going on with your Third Little
Traveller.
And this reminds me
of a great story that David Crystal tells when he talks about linguists being
professional accommodators (I personally think serial expats are too). So, one
day he was talking to someone from Glasgow and found his vowels "turning
into Billy Connolly". But then, when the Glaswegian guy asked him if he
was from Glasgow, he had a bit of a problem. He either had to lie and say
'yes', and then convincingly keep up the lie for the whole conversation. Or he
could say 'no' and have the guy ask, and I quote, "What are you taking the
piss out of my accent for, then?" before decking him. He doesn't tell
which option he went for …
I think you are doing the right thing...you could also tell him he has a career as an actor ahead of him using that American accent. ;-) On another note, we have similar things living here in Spain. If kids want to insult other kids, they often call them Americano. Two little girls we know where at a Spanish festival here and when they started speaking english to eachother in the bouncy house, the Spanish kids took off their dirty socks and started throwing them in the girls faces saying, "ingles, ingles." As an American, these kinds of things upset me, including your Aussie friends who would be upset if their kids spoke with American accent. I find it interesting that American's get accused of being intolerant of other cultures so often when we are potentially the most diverse nation in the world. But this tolerance issue doesn't always seem to go both ways. I stress to my kids everywhere we travel that to people who see us, people we meet, we ARE America and we need to represent her well. I really hope we do because these sorts of things make it a little bit harder to parent your kids to be nice and open to other people and they will be nice and open to you. Ironically, I guess, this is true across all cultures, there are alwasy people who judge others unfairly, and pass on those biases to their children. Thank you for NOT being one of these people! Incidentally, I would LOVE it if kid had an Aussie accent. I think accents are totally cool!
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